Sunday, March 17, 2013

Cue the tune change.

I was driving home from the gym, rocking-out to my favorite song, when the radio host cut the song short to talk about Carrie Underwood. She celebrated her 30th Birthday this week. My first thought was I betcha she is just fine being a 30 year old. I betcha she had a big old party to celebrate it too. She looks 25. Play another tune please. 

But to my surprise, that it not what she said. Apparently, Miss Underwood isn’t celebrating at all this week.

She is very upset about leaving her 20's behind. She did not celebrate in a grand fashion and she prefers to refer to this day as the 1st Anniversary of her 29th Birthday. I thought it had a nice ring to it, but I was kind of shocked as well. I thought that I was the only 29 year old that really truly cared about leaving their 20's behind. Everyone keeps telling me I am crazy to be so upset about it. I was kind of glad to have someone that I admire  be on “my side” about this one.

As I continued driving, I couldn’t help but think about another woman I admire. One of my dearest friends, who I have known since Elementary School, turned 30 this week as well. On the morning of her 30th Birthday she wrote the following on her Facebook. It really got me thinking…

We are all too familiar with the 30th birthday cliche. Cry me a river, I have two measly crow’s feet, wait I cannot even say I have those; honestly I have not really looked. Life should not be defined by age, although society has lead to believe that with each new generation we turn, there will be some horrible life change waiting that very morning. The bottom line, take care of YOURSELF! You’re only as old as you feel! Set goals! Mine was to look better and feel better by my "milestone" birthday. And yes, running marathons and wearing bikinis where apart of those goals, call me vain, but I'm smiling this morning :). Thanks for the amazing birthday wishes. I look forward to spending this crazy awesome day with my crazy awesome family.

When I read this it made me so happy for her. I loved it! I am so proud of her for having this amazing attitude and for working so hard to achieve her goals. But then it made me start to feel worried for myself. 

Why can’t I feel this happy about turning 30?
AND then I remembered these reasons…

(1)    I didn’t realize I was turning 30. I thought I was still 26. I have been 26 for about 4 years now. I planned on being 26 for life. Frig.

(2)    I only started REALLY getting healthy and taking care of myself last year. It is going to take longer than 6 months to turn 15+ years of straight up self-harm into something that I can put a bikini on.

(3)    I have a problem with goals. I don’t make them. I don’t want to fail, and let myself down. Short term ones, I can handle. I have one going right now: Get through to the end of this post without being distracted by the sink full of dishes screaming at me from the kitchen. 

(4)    The terrible feeling of being in a different age range than my husband. He gets to stay in his twenties for quite a bit longer than me. I will be in my mid-thirties when he finally joins me. I was obviously aware that this gap would exist forever,  but I very rarely think about it. This month, it’s really hard to forget. Oh, but he loves being married to an "older" woman. Humph.

(5)    The only vainness that I have is the VAIN attempt to make myself feel better with a 30 day challenge to destroy my comfort zone and show some gratitude for the life I have. And you all see how well that has been going. Geez. It was easier said than done, that’s for sure.

(6)    I am not dreading turning 30 because I THINK something terrible is going to happen to me, but because I KNOW it will. In my thirties things will happen to me that no amount of exercise or eating healthy can tackle. Well, maybe a couple of them, but not all!

I did some research and this is what the experts say happens to you once you turn 30. Oh, and I didn’t make this list up either. I Googled it; therefore it is gospel.  

  • Laugh lines and wrinkles- FML…bring on the night creams.
  • Sun damage from childhood appears – Umm what? So I guess deep frying ourselves in baby oil all through high school was a mistake? Uh oh.
  • Slower metabolism - Wait a minute; that was a FAST metabolism that I had for all these years? Oh dear, I’m in serious trouble.
  • Egg supply is cut in half - Have another baby? What’s that? It’s not even my choice? The good eggs are gone now? Holy hell.
  • Urinary incontinence - For real? I thought that was like a 60+ thing or a Michelle Duggar thing. Maybe I escaped this by having two c-sections?
  • Weight gain – The only thing on the list that I have control of. Oh and it also happens to be the one thing I have had the biggest struggle with for my Whole. Entire. Life. Can I get an f’ing break? Please? 

Despite all THAT, I guess it’s time to bring on the acceptance because there is ACTUALLY nothing I can do about my age. My friend says “You’re only as old as you feel.” And I guess I don’t FEEL 30, so therefore I am not 30. Can it really work like that?

My friend also has an attitude that I am going to strive to achieve for myself. I know I can do it because I am SO positive about so many other things in my life. There is no reason why I can’t try to find the bright side of turning 30. 

From this moment on, I am not going to complain anymore (about turning 30). I am going to make an honest to goodness huge effort to be thankful for who I am. I am going to focus on the things in life that really matter.

On my 30th Birthday I will be:

- ALIVE. Some people don’t live to see their 30th Birthday. I am grateful to be alive.

- MARRIED. Some people haven’t found the love of their lives, and may not ever. Some people may have lost their love forever or have been forbidden to be with them. Some people don't even believe in true love. I believe. I have the love of my life beside me. I am grateful for that

- A MOTHER. I will be hugged and kissed and loved by my children. I will love them so much that it will make my heart ache. Some people don't love and cherish their children. Some people hurt their children. Some people can’t have their own children. I can. I do. I am so grateful for the gift of being a mother. 

- HAPPY. Sadness and depression will have skipped over me, and my mental health will hopefully be intact. Some people aren’t as fortunate as I. Some people can't cope with mental illnesses. Some people are too ashamed and embarrassed to get the help they need. Some people think mental illness is something to be afraid of. I am grateful for my experiences, awareness and understanding of mental illness. I will be happy, because I can be. 

- LOVING MYSELF. If it is possible for so many wonderful people to love ME, then I would be a fool not to love ME too.  Some people are too scared to let their guard down; to hear their own voice as something worth listening to. Some people can’t deal with the fact that they aren’t perfect now, and never will be.  Some people were taught that they are worthless. Not me. I was taught that I AM worth something. I am grateful for the ability to say that. I am worth something. 

I’m changing my tune.
11 days until I’m 30.
Perfect timing.



1 comment:

  1. I remember turning 30 with many of the same feelings. All I can say is it gets easier. Turning 50 was downright bliss, a feeling of mid-way through something, with the best yet to come.Let me know when you're ready for, you book "Younger Next year!"


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